Its not about what you say, or what you do. The things we do, or how often. The mistakes, and the triumphs. Its just about having you.

Nothing gold can stay, it is all what you make of the rust.

// Breathing//

really helps when you are somewhat infuriated. It allows you to inhale the good, and exhale the bad. In breaking down your breathing, you’re breaking down the situation, and ultimately realizing your mad over nothing. It was all just meaningless.

Falling asleep on a stranger.

Waking up in paradise.

I will take that risk.

// I just don’t feel//

like feeling at all.

Anyone you will ever care about will hurt you. And we always seem to forget that this is normal. It’s a part of life we aren’t used to, and a part we don’t want to feel. Oh, but it is a two way road. You will always hurt the ones who care about you the most. It may be intentional, or unintentional, but it remains inevitable. I cannot stop it, nor can you, or anyone else. All you can do is prepare for it. Learn to be alone, learn to take your ups with your downs, and disambiguate the two. Somehow, the pain allows us to feel alive. No, we can’t explain it. We just feel, and try to put that into words. But it’s impossible. We are ready for the let down of our lives soon after we encounter the time of our lives. Are we just too forgiving in nature, or just too selfish to really let go? I can’t pinpoint the way any of you have made me feel, because that is all I do. Feel. Thank those who have made you feel alive, and hurt you soon after. They are there for a reason, as with any other individual we grace on this path. We learn from one another in some ways or another. Interaction, and the lock thereof, is the basis of existence. Derive something from every chance encounter. We’ve all been hurt, that is for sure, but what are we doing chasing after it all over again?

 I wasn’t fond of you and I being a possibility, but everyone else was. I’m usually one for words, but around you I lose them somewhere in those eyes or that smile. You know I take leaps of faith when it comes to things I care about, and I know you would too. We get lost, we arrive. I’ve always known one thing: strangers turn to friends, friends turn to something more, and they eventually revert back to being strangers. Don’t become a stranger again, because now I’m beginning to love the person I’ve come to know.

Nothing is justified until you make it so. We were born into a life, shipwrecked on a mysterious island filled with people and the possibilities which precede them. I could care less at the moment, I could love the howling winds, and the thrashing tides but I choose not too. The loneliest of men stand amongst the crowds, clearly speaking to themselves, while everyone else mutters obscenities to each other. It’s as if all the chaos has become order, although no one can make sense of anything. They all cry, “The end is nigh”. Oh no, it is only the beginning. Maybe hell is where we are, and heaven is where we are trying to go. And once we get there, we aren’t dead. We are even more alive than we once were. Disregard any god, any savior, and focus on yourself. Think for a moment about anything you’ve ever been taught, and how it translates to you. Now understand that any expectations you’ve had in life have never mimicked the reality of things, until you have made it so. You are a god in amnesia, act like it.

// When she asks,//

“What gives you the right?”

You reply.

“You did. You gave me every right to step into your life and take what is yours. From the second we met you opened up your doors to me. Every entrance, every avenue. I’ve seen those eyes pry open and flood with tears. I’ve felt your shivering skin, your silky hair, and held your fragile fingertips. We were everything at once, and nothing at all. You enjoyed what you had, only because what you wanted wasn’t there. So while you were pretending to give me your all, I ran with that. Because all you’ve ever given me was false hope. Those kisses were empty, those hugs were meaningless. I don’t know you, and I don’t want to. This is probably goodbye, don’t remember me. Remember what you felt, and how it feels now that you are alone. This is you in front of a mirror, I am just behind it.”

// I will//

openly admit. I am scared as fuck. Tired. Stressed. Uneasy. Things come along once in a lifetime. However, this is not one of them. And as much as I want it to be, there is a very good chance it will not. Now I sit back and unravel what has been given. And I make no point about it. I will always be unhappy, one way or the other, always be alone, in every essence of the word. But what I’m striving for makes it all that much more clear. Right now this is something that needs to happen, more than ever. The future holds on for us, if we can only hold on to each other. The most important things in life aren’t things, they are people. Those people who fill your life, because no two connections are the same. Every chance encounter, every minute happening, has brought us to this very place in time. Cherish this, because I am beginning to take it for granted. You can’t save me because you would have by now, and I am just waiting for the next train out of here. I would lend out my hand for you to join me, but you would probably follow suit along with the rest who used to matter…please don’t. Just take my hand.

// Pack up//

and leave, there is nothing left for you. Go so far, as to see the sunset rise altogether. We’ve got no more time to anticipate the worst, for the best of times have yet to arrive.

// This is the year,//

of the nomad.

// Thank you, Lazarus.//

Growth. Not much thought can be put into the word, when a mind is bound in contemplation of any other matter. When sitting alone, in a crowded room. One begins to zone in at the most distant of times. You gaze to the right, children scurry around the room in an innocent fashion. Not a care in the world, nostalgic. The teen across from you chats on the phone, while simultaneously succumbing to any technological advancement placed in front of them. Adolescence drives the young mind to defiance. Behind you, a man is being congratulated on the end of his recent collegiate endeavor, and proverbial entrance into the “real world”.  So naive to believe he has accomplished, or will ever, accomplish anything. But just beyond the gossiping couples, and group of horny single swingers, a man is at the table dealing with an irrational and annoying baby. Streams of tears, agitating cries, and regurgitation of liquids and food flood the poor mans gates. Meanwhile, his wife resides upstairs with his best friend “checking the decor” in the master bedroom. Next to you, an elderly couple rests on a couch nearly as old as them. And that is all they do. Vegetative as it may be, that is their life. And come to think of it, the death of a beloved friend, grandparent, father, and son have brought all these people together under the same cedar roof. Keep in mind the rain is crackling down on this house as you sit amidst it all. Look around for once, this is your life, full circle. Accepting it just won’t be enough to get you through, and giving up will get you nowhere. We live, we learn, we die. Stop thinking it is anything more than that. You realize there’s a pattern here, and it is not too late. If you get away fast enough, none of them will catch up to you. Growth suddenly means something to you, something more valuable than it was before. If someone was meant to save you, it would have happened by now. Leave the room my friend, static is for the weak. All those who remain will perish, because time is the fire in which we all burn…

-David R. Richardson III