Alive & Well Moscow
magicfran:

Yamazato by Ray Morimura

magicfran:

Yamazato by Ray Morimura

There is a time, where things go blank. A stream of silence roars past your ears. Things stand still. Nothing enters, nothing leaves. It is only you. And you realize you cannot leave. What has caused you to stick around for so long, is the same thing that is driving you far away. You admit you have fallen. It was such a short time, but within those beautiful moments you mustered up enough passion and hope to deny any and every chance at failure. Failure to continue on. But now that we have given up, it makes no sense to even bother. No two ever fall together. So why should you keep trying?

we are a species made up of constant changes. I’m changing so fast, i have no time to sit and make anything of it. i think i might know. that no matter what you do, where you go, who you spend time with. it will always just be you. there is nothing left here for anyone. All that has been good is gone, or leaving you behind. it comes to a point where you don’t even wish to feel anymore. these notes are just serenading you to sleep and there is nothing you can do about it. go with the flow, because nothing else matters. out of any and every contradiction came you and your beauty, setting every heart ablaze and every soul to space. with this goodbye, i leave you with love and nothing less. we cannot even worry about caring right now, what we are is never going to stay that way. it is so depressing to know that nothing can stay, yet so beautiful to realize change is evident. i cannot keep on like that. wishing waiting hoping wondering leading a life that no one will understand but myself. i am mad, so so mad. i cannot wait. this just spews out of my fingers like paint on an invisible canvas. nowhere to go, nothing to illustrate. i ramble in hopes of you telling me to stop. i found you against anything i had ever thought. the sky, the stars, the universe, the world. this is my world, and you give meaning to everything in it. but i do not even know who you are. these words are meaningless and mean nothing, not even capable of scraping the surface in depicting your beauty. we are wasting our time. wasting it ever so cleverly. and as i write this, you are the last person i thought would be on my mind.

Its not about what you say, or what you do. The things we do, or how often. The mistakes, and the triumphs. Its just about having you.

Nothing gold can stay, it is all what you make of the rust.

// Breathing//

really helps when you are somewhat infuriated. It allows you to inhale the good, and exhale the bad. In breaking down your breathing, you’re breaking down the situation, and ultimately realizing your mad over nothing. It was all just meaningless.

Falling asleep on a stranger.

Waking up in paradise.

I will take that risk.

// I just don’t feel//

like feeling at all.

Anyone you will ever care about will hurt you. And we always seem to forget that this is normal. It’s a part of life we aren’t used to, and a part we don’t want to feel. Oh, but it is a two way road. You will always hurt the ones who care about you the most. It may be intentional, or unintentional, but it remains inevitable. I cannot stop it, nor can you, or anyone else. All you can do is prepare for it. Learn to be alone, learn to take your ups with your downs, and disambiguate the two. Somehow, the pain allows us to feel alive. No, we can’t explain it. We just feel, and try to put that into words. But it’s impossible. We are ready for the let down of our lives soon after we encounter the time of our lives. Are we just too forgiving in nature, or just too selfish to really let go? I can’t pinpoint the way any of you have made me feel, because that is all I do. Feel. Thank those who have made you feel alive, and hurt you soon after. They are there for a reason, as with any other individual we grace on this path. We learn from one another in some ways or another. Interaction, and the lock thereof, is the basis of existence. Derive something from every chance encounter. We’ve all been hurt, that is for sure, but what are we doing chasing after it all over again?

 I wasn’t fond of you and I being a possibility, but everyone else was. I’m usually one for words, but around you I lose them somewhere in those eyes or that smile. You know I take leaps of faith when it comes to things I care about, and I know you would too. We get lost, we arrive. I’ve always known one thing: strangers turn to friends, friends turn to something more, and they eventually revert back to being strangers. Don’t become a stranger again, because now I’m beginning to love the person I’ve come to know.

Nothing is justified until you make it so. We were born into a life, shipwrecked on a mysterious island filled with people and the possibilities which precede them. I could care less at the moment, I could love the howling winds, and the thrashing tides but I choose not too. The loneliest of men stand amongst the crowds, clearly speaking to themselves, while everyone else mutters obscenities to each other. It’s as if all the chaos has become order, although no one can make sense of anything. They all cry, “The end is nigh”. Oh no, it is only the beginning. Maybe hell is where we are, and heaven is where we are trying to go. And once we get there, we aren’t dead. We are even more alive than we once were. Disregard any god, any savior, and focus on yourself. Think for a moment about anything you’ve ever been taught, and how it translates to you. Now understand that any expectations you’ve had in life have never mimicked the reality of things, until you have made it so. You are a god in amnesia, act like it.

// When she asks,//

"What gives you the right?"

You reply.

"You did. You gave me every right to step into your life and take what is yours. From the second we met you opened up your doors to me. Every entrance, every avenue. I’ve seen those eyes pry open and flood with tears. I’ve felt your shivering skin, your silky hair, and held your fragile fingertips. We were everything at once, and nothing at all. You enjoyed what you had, only because what you wanted wasn’t there. So while you were pretending to give me your all, I ran with that. Because all you’ve ever given me was false hope. Those kisses were empty, those hugs were meaningless. I don’t know you, and I don’t want to. This is probably goodbye, don’t remember me. Remember what you felt, and how it feels now that you are alone. This is you in front of a mirror, I am just behind it."

Why is this the most inspirational thing i’ve seen all day?

Why is this the most inspirational thing i’ve seen all day?

(Source: tragicsunshine.com, via twonevators-deactivated20110117)

// I will//

openly admit. I am scared as fuck. Tired. Stressed. Uneasy. Things come along once in a lifetime. However, this is not one of them. And as much as I want it to be, there is a very good chance it will not. Now I sit back and unravel what has been given. And I make no point about it. I will always be unhappy, one way or the other, always be alone, in every essence of the word. But what I’m striving for makes it all that much more clear. Right now this is something that needs to happen, more than ever. The future holds on for us, if we can only hold on to each other. The most important things in life aren’t things, they are people. Those people who fill your life, because no two connections are the same. Every chance encounter, every minute happening, has brought us to this very place in time. Cherish this, because I am beginning to take it for granted. You can’t save me because you would have by now, and I am just waiting for the next train out of here. I would lend out my hand for you to join me, but you would probably follow suit along with the rest who used to matter…please don’t. Just take my hand.

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